Tell it to my heart

So dot # 2 was just a couple of weeks' old but still, you know. It was what they call a "chemical pregnancy". That means the recipe is all correct, but the souffle doesn't rise.

This time around I did things a little differently. Z and I didn't get too excited and I tried really hard not to think about it. The only difference was my obsessive peeing on the stick. I will NEVER do that again. My heart can never take the obsessive checking of light/dark is it/isnt it. Now I know why they make them so you can tell five days in advance - so you buy a million of them! 

Another thing I did differently, and thank God I did, was to tell my good friends. These consist of:

Robyn - my sweet heart and great help in all this - she is a fellow miscarriage sufferer (survivor?) who made damned sure she got the best baby in the world, Sethy, who I just LOVE.

Betsie - fabulous beauty and nurse and all-round amazing friend.

Lucy - my angelic English Rose friend who went through a miscarriage before her mini-me Ella came into the world. 

These three women have made it possible to keep going forward. In addition to everyone else - including my online friend Lisa who is just a doll and my other fantastic girlfriends in the US and the UK - you know who you are (Charlotte, I love you and Ands, my "sis").

The chemical pregnancy has not been anywhere near as hard as the last one. Mainly because Robyn has provided me with a great set of tools to help me get through. The first was a great therapist who has made it easier for me to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The other was Dr. Bob, the famous Bev Hills doc who gets ladies the right mix to keep them pregnant.

When I saw him yesterday he said the words I wanted to hear: "You will have a baby" and "In two weeks' time we will have a game plan". Keep your fingers crossed that we hear the pitter patter (or, if it is anything like momma and poppa) the boom boom of tiny/huge feet in a little while.