Monday, November 23, 2009

Giving Thanks Etc. Year 2

I can't believe a whole year has gone by since the first miscarriage.
So much has happened since then, not all of it good, not all of it bad.
Going back to England was amazing. The green, the fields, the family, the food. All very, very good and nourishing for the soul.
I didn't want to come back after the warmth of my family, but I did, and it is still good. Just a different kind of good....
I finally got my period the day I returned to the US and I have been on a good trajectory ever since. Very regular, thanks for asking.
But, because of the nature of our year, the amount of pain, the grieving and so on, Z and I have decided to do something we were going to do anyway - we are going to adopt.
We have signed up and now we are ploughing our way through paperwork, fingerprints, honestudies, all the fun stuff. I guess I feel that I want to be a mom more than I want to give birth. I just have so much to give and no one to give it to.
Friends are having babies like the fruit falling from the trees and I just see this time of year as such place of abundance - I want to be a part of it!
We have been warned that the process can take up to two years. But that's okay. I know our soul is on its way in one way or the other.
I am thankful to this year in some ways. Even though I got laid off, had three miscarriages and my husband hasn't been working for two months....I feel I have grown as a person, I have met some wonderful people who have helped me immeasurably, I am learning (slowly) to be a business owner and I am finally, FINALLY getting back in shape.
After the last m/c I decided to channel my energy into something more productive than obsessively looking at fertility websites, so I decided to run the LA Marathon.
I am now well into my training and completed a 20-mile run on Saturday - woo hoo!
So I should say thank you. Just for what I have learned and for who I am now. So, sucky 2009. Thanks.