I am sitting at my desk and watching the grey blur that passes for the outside and thinking a lot.
The first thing I'm thinking is who says LA doesn't have seasons? But the second thing is a bit more serious I suppose.
Since Dr. Z and I decided to adopt I feel there is a better sense of calm descended upon Casa di Isenberg. We are kind of getting into the sad groove of his unemployment and I am trying not to nag to much about his current status.
The PR is going great and I like my work, but the reality is, I feel there is a hole in my heart where a baby should be.
I feel a little like the work, the socializing, the cleaning, the whatever it is, is just window dressing, busy work until the babe comes along.
There is an element of unreality to life while we are in this holding pattern. There is a certain need for me to cling on to my routine while the clock slowly ticks and the days slowly pass.
I'm like a cave with a dark and gloomy inside with the light, shiny world above as my face and my voice.
I have to get together the two elements - the light and shiny outer world and burrow in. I know it and so does Dr. Z because he sees me with my head on the kitchen table making the marble wet. But it is so, so hard.
So I guess I am loving the grey blur outside because for once, LA is exactly how I am feeling.
Just a quick note to say I am featured in LA Yoga Mag December/January Issue! I am pegged as the "aspiring mother" in their holiday gift guide. I will post the page when I get it scanned. It is really nice to be able to share the idea that infertility and miscarriage is not a dirty word and cramper is mentioned!
If you get the chance pick up a copy at your local LA yoga studio.