As you know, Tuesday I went up to the docs and my HCG levels were funky funky - up to 600 after being down to 15.
So they gave me a shot of Methotrexate. This stuff is normally given to women who have eptopic pregnancies but, because they felt there was placental tissue running around inside me, they thought it best to use the drug to break down whatever was going on.
What I didn't know was that we can't even think about trying to get pregnant again until December. That will make me just 6 months away from 37 and this feels like a weird backwards move that will ultimately land us nowhere.
I can't help feeling that I am moving further and further away. At first it was "just a miscarriage", then it was "just a chemical pregnancy". Then, there were the fibroids. Get rid of them and it will be okay. We do that. Then it is the drugs, the pills and the progesterone. Just another miscarriage. Now there is tissue and we have to wait until the drugs comes through my system.
Another bleeding has started and, apparently, this is the second part of the miscarriage. So my period won't even be back for another two months, according to the doc's office.
Today, I just want to lie down and cry. I feel my chances are getting slimmer by the day.