Monday, June 15, 2009

With a Little Help

Monday morning. Two pretty crummy words for most people. For me it is another day closer to seeing my new doctor.
Yep, Z and I have decided to shift gears and go to a new doc, so let's see how this one works out for us.
Apart from that, it has been an up and down weekend. I have had a very nasty headache because of the huge drop in hormones from the miscarriage. I was told it wasn't the drop in progesterone I was taking, but the change in the estrogen. Whatever it was, I felt like crap.
Then there is the much worse part, the emotional pain. Everywhere I go, I feel like I am faced with an assault course of pregnant women. They are absolutely everywhere, popping up in the unlikeliest of places. I wish sometimes I did PR for a truck company, but it would be just my luck to end up with the account for baby seats for big rigs.
We are lucky that we have good friends. Yesterday I met with my friend English Marg. She and her mum were hosting a brunch which was yummy and fun. Her mum was in from home and it was lovely to hear a mum voice and see a mum-like person.
Saturday we had dinner with friends again, though it is a little bit tougher when they have kids. In fact, I feel like crying when I hear about the sleep patterns, the play dates and all the rest.
And Sunday we had dinner with other friends and I kept them entertained with my stand-up routine. At least, that's how it feels to me. Plus, the Laker's won so woo hoo!
But, as you can probably tell from the tone, it all feels a bit empty, a bit dead at the edges. I don't want to be out. I want to be home, changing diapers, reading stories, being exhausted. I don't want to be entertaining. I don't want to have to put makeup on to hide the bags.
But please, don't stop inviting me out, it's all I' ve got right now.

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